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Week 3 Reflection

Family Patterns

1. Based on some of the examples on page 95, list at least 3 unwritten rules that you learned growing up in your family of origin.

One example of an unwritten rule that we had is that we always needed to take off our shoes when entering the house. If we were ever caught walking around the house with our shoes, our parents would make us either sweep/vacuum and mop the floor.

Another example of the family rule is that if you are home, you are involved in cleaning the home. Every Saturday, we would deep clean the home by splitting the responsibilities. The only way that you were excused is if they had an appointment or had something extremely important going on that couldn’t be missed. My siblings and I knew that if we wanted to go hang out with friends, we need to clean the house extremely well because my mom would be checking to make sure that we did.

My last example of a family rule is that if my dad was coming home from work, there needed to be food on the table. This typically was done by my mom because she was a stay at home mom but when my siblings and I were home, we were also responsible occasionally.

2. Do these rules still influence you? Do they influence in a positive or negative way?

These rules still influence me even though I don’t live with my parents anymore. Especially the last rule of having food prepared. Even though both my husband and I work, I still feel like it’s my responsibility to have food on the table as soon as  get home. Also, we don’t wear shoes in the house either. I think that those rules growing up influenced in a positive way. These rules weren’t negative and created discipline for us instead.

Reaction Pattern

1. Of the following ways of reacting to conflict (page 98 of text), which most represents how you react?

My way of reacting to conflict would be best represented by confrontation and collaboration.

2. Give an example how this style represents how you handle conflict? Be detailed in your response and feel free to consult with your classmates/colleagues/supervisor as you work through your best possible response.

An example of this would be if I got into an altercation with my coworker. Let’s say that she told my supervisor that I did something when I didn’t do it. I would find out and that would cause tension between her and I. My response to this would be to try to pull her aside and try to talk to her about why she decided to tell my supervisor a lie. We would go back and forth discussing the matter and sharing both of our perspectives/sides. This would continue until there’s a resolution of the matter. It would most likely be misunderstanding and can be cleared up with my supervisor.

 Dis-functional Patterns

1. See if you can identify any dysfunctional patterns in your life by using the format suggested by Weinstein (1981):

 Whenever I’m in a situation where I have a quick impulse of anger, I usually experience feelings of anxiety, stress, and confusion. The things I tell myself are to ‘take a deep breath, don’t speak out of my angry emotion’ and what I typically do is become quiet and reserved_.  Afterward I feel annoyed and uneasy. What I wish I could do instead is find a way to speak clearly about how and why I feel a certain, without letting my emotions get the best of me.

• Recognizing this awareness, what actions will you take to address/change these patterns?

I recognize that random burst of anger or being irritable is not healthy for me. To change this pattern, what I want to do is take a step back and reflect as to why I am feeling that way. What is the root cause? Perhaps I had a stressful day at work or maybe my diet and sleeping schedule was bad that day? I would make note if I had any life stress or hormonal imbalance. Then I want to calm my emotions and think rationally.

After reflecting, the next day I would try my best to not do the same things that caused me to be irritable in the first place whether that be going to sleep earlier, drinking water, taking time for myself, or working out.